• michaelbihovsky.com
Michael Bihovsky's Blog
The thoughts, creations, and bizarre adventures of a Composer/Playwright/Performer/Activist
  • michaelbihovsky.com
Home  /  Advocacy • Healthcare  /  Bummer.
26 November 2019

Bummer.

Written by Michael Bihovsky
Advocacy, Healthcare Leave a Comment
Share On
Share on Facebook
Share on Twitter
Share on Google+
Share on Reddit
Share on Tumblr
Share on Pinterest

Dear Friends and Family,

If you could please stop telling me what a “bummer” it is when I can’t do something you want me to do with you because of my physical health, I would greatly appreciate it. It’s happened so many times in the past week alone that I feel the need to address it.

First let me make clear: I absolutely know that the reason you’re saying this is because you love me and want to spend time with me. I’m truly grateful to you for that. The fact that you’re sticking with me through all of this means more to me than I could ever adequately express.

At the same time: however bummed out you are in the moment by the implications of my illness, I promise you that I am living with those implications every moment of every day. It is indeed quite a bummer, and that’s not something I need to be reminded of when I am only trying to take care of myself – a practice that is very hard for me, and which gets even more challenging when I’m left feeling guilty about it, which I know is unintended but also kind of unavoidable when you essentially tell me that I’m letting you down.

I can only speak for myself, but I strongly suspect that this request applies to anyone in your life with a chronic illness (or even someone with a bad cold, for that matter). So the next time someone you love can’t do something you want because they just physically aren’t up to it, may I suggest this small change: instead of telling them it’s a bummer, try something more along the lines of, “I’m sorry to hear it, but I understand. I hope you feel better soon.” It’s a relatively small but compassionate shift for you to make, and I promise it would make a huge difference to me (and probably everyone else, too).

Love, Michael

PS: For more related to this topic, I refer you to the iconic essay “The Spoon Theory” by my friend and fellow advocate, the great Christine Miserandino. Also check out the Circles of Support/Ring Theory of Venting. Thanks!

Share On
Share on Facebook
Share on Twitter
Share on Google+
Share on Reddit
Share on Tumblr
Share on Pinterest
Michael Bihovsky
Connect on Facebook Connect on Twitter

Michael Bihovsky is a musical theater composer and performer, and an “invisible illness” advocate. He is best known for his viral YouTube video “One Grain More,” an award-winning musical parody of Les Miserables about the plight of the food allergy community. Michael has written the music, lyrics, and book for four original musicals, including the semi-autobiographical “Fresh!” which was presented Off-Broadway as a finalist in the “Scene It: New York” competition. Michael’s musicals, plays, and screenplays often revolve around themes relating to physical and mental illness. He has Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS), and facilitates EDS support groups in Philadelphia and New York City. Michael is also a recurring columnist for the Stanford Medical Journal’s SCOPE Project, and is currently writing a book titled “Live Because: The Philosophy of the Broken, and the Journey Toward Wholeness.”

 Previous Article Marianne Williamson: You shouldn’t vote for her. But you should most certainly listen.
Next Article   If we invade Iran, it’s over.

Related Posts

  • The (Entirely Unnecessary) Cost of “Herd Immunity”

    Monday, August 31, 2020
  • Jewish Values: Supporting #BlackLivesMatter

    Wednesday, June 3, 2020
  • The Show Must Be Paused

    Tuesday, June 2, 2020
  • Pikuach Nefesh – Saving a Life in the Time of Coronavirus

    Sunday, April 19, 2020

Leave a Reply

Cancel reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Mailing List Sign-Up!

Recent Posts

  • RIP Herbert Kretzmer – You Dreamed a Dream, and Shared it With All of Us Saturday, October 17, 2020
  • RIP RBG – Champion for Women, Role Model for All Friday, September 18, 2020
  • RIP Major Van Winkle – The Master of Freestyle Wednesday, September 16, 2020
  • The (Entirely Unnecessary) Cost of “Herd Immunity” Monday, August 31, 2020
  • Jewish Values: Supporting #BlackLivesMatter Wednesday, June 3, 2020
  • The Show Must Be Paused Tuesday, June 2, 2020

Michael’s Favorite Posts

  • When Your Heroes Surpass Expectations (Amy Lee of Evanescence) Monday, November 6, 2017
  • Composition Premiere at the Kimmel Center! Wednesday, March 22, 2017
  • Rare Disease Day 2017: Reaction to EDS Video by AJ+ Tuesday, February 28, 2017
  • 5 Acting Tips to Nail Your College Musical Theater Audition (or any other audition) Tuesday, December 27, 2016
  • An Open Letter to My Beard Thursday, August 6, 2015
  • The Creation of “One Grain More” Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Categories

  • Adventures
  • Advocacy
  • Comedy
  • Entertainment
  • Favorites
  • Healthcare
  • New Creations
  • Politics
  • Recent
  • Religion
  • Science
  • Voice & Acting Studio

Michael on Twitter

© Michael Bihovsky . All rights reserved.