TESTIFY!!

Sunday, June 14, 2009 by Michael.

You’re not going to believe what happened to me today.

 

No, seriously, just stop reading right now, ‘cause you’re not going to believe me. But I swear I’m not making any of this up, or even exaggerating. I’m just not creative enough to make up stuff this good.

 

Are you sure?

 

Okay…

 

So it all started yesterday, when I was driving my brother home to Center City from the suburbs of Philadelphia. I was planning to drive down I-95 straight from his place to surprise my parents, who were on vacation in Delaware and had invited me to come along. I hastily packed everything of vital importance for such a trip – ie., enough medicine to take down a reasonably well-trained militia, my guitar, and my laptop.

 

Sadly, the laptop’s adapter only made it about halfway into the car, and just before I got on the highway, I heard a loud CRACK, which turned out to be the sound of an adapter chord being sucked into a car tire. As far as my hubcap, all I can say is that it was now in a Better Place (the curb of Wynnefield Avenue). I immediately pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to inspect the damage, accompanied by my brother’s ever-helpful taunting and laughter.

 

I knelt down beside the tire to inspect the damage, a feat that was made all the more entirely pointless by the fact that I could not fix a broken tire if held at gunpoint (in fact, if ever put in that exact situation, I would probably just remain still, and trust that my mere presence would cause the gun to spontaneously combust). Nevertheless, I did my best to tie up the ends of the ensnared wire, and got back in the car to finish driving my brother home.

 

So: I got back in the car, and trekked the rest of the way into Center City. As I pulled up next to a fire hydrant on my brother’s block, I decided to call my parents to see if it was indeed safe to take the car on such a long drive with only half-a-tire (Note: this is not recommended), only to notice that my phone was no longer there.

 

“You probably dropped it when you knelt down to fix the tire,” said my brother. “Good luck with that,” he added helpfully.

 

In a panic, I hastened back toward where I had pulled over, my only landmark for this location being a puddle of water that I had noticed a few feet from where I had initially stopped. It should go without saying that about five minutes before I got there, it started to rain.

 

Hard.

 

As my puddle-landmark could now be applied to the entire state of Pennsylvania, I proceeded to spend two hours in the pouring rain searching for a phone that simply wasn’t to be found. And so I came back home, soaking wet and in a furious temper. Then, at around midnight, I got a call from my friend Aaron, whom I had not heard from in nearly two years.

 

“Some guy named Frank called me,” Aaron confided to me. “He told me he had your phone. Man, I hate being first on everyone’s list.”

 

            Although it was nearing midnight, the man had apparently just called, so I gave Frank a call in vague hopes of reacquiring my lost phone.

 

            “Bethel Outreach Deliverance,” this is Minister Frank Johnson speaking, how may I help you today?”

 

It turned out that the man who found my phone was a kind and helpful man from a mobile pastoral service (wait, what?) in central New Jersey. We made plans to rendezvous the following day (today), where apparently a man known only as “Brother James” would be waiting at a church back on Wynnefield Avenue to give me back my phone.

 

            And so, at 2:45 this afternoon, I found myself at a small church on Wynnefield avenue, surrounded by helpful, kind-hearted Born Again African American Christians who wanted nothing more than to Save my Soul by handing me pamphlets about why I was going to burn in hell for all eternity, and what I could do to stop it (“Pretty much nothing,” seemed to be the unspoken consensus).

 

            I told them that I was looking for my phone, and that Minister Johnson had sent me to get it back from Brother James.

 

            “Brother James isn’t here just yet,” said a kind elderly lady seated at a decaying wooden table. “But we’re putting on a play about the men of the Old Testament! You have to stay and watch!”

 

            Helpless without my cell phone, I proceeded to sit down, and spent about an hour listening to Moses prophesize the birth of Jesus Christ before Brother James finally made his grand debut.

 

            “Brother James,” I called out brightly.” My name is Michael – it’s so nice to meet you! I was sent by Minister Johnson… I hear you have my phone?”

 

            “It is a pleasure to meet you, Brother Michael, and Minister Johnson sends his very best to you on this fine day. But I’m afraid I don’t know anything about a phone.”

           

            “What?”

 

            It turned out that after an hour of waiting, this was an entirely different Brother James, sent by an entirely different Minister Johnson. And he didn’t have my phone.

 

            Rushing back home to use a landline, I called back the first Minister Johnson, who informed me that he had mistaken the day on the calendar, and that Brother James was going to be on Wynnefield Avenue yesterday (as it turned out, this information was not useful to me). Today, he was making a delivery to the New Covenant Church on Germantown Avenue, about a half-hour away from where I live.

 

So I went to the New Covenant Church, where I was horrified (but not altogether surprised) to find that today was their seminary’s graduation and ordination ceremony, and what seemed like the entire Born Again African American population of Philadelphia had apparently come out for the occasion! Now, I am not a racist person – I know this is the typical defense, but I have black friends (though not too many, as I have spent the vast majority of my life in Jewish Day School). I hope that I have never had a racist thought in my life. But I will draw upon my strength as an artist of words to describe to you how it feels to be the only Jewish white person in a church full of thousands of incredibly outspoken and spiritually exuberant people who are all of a different race and religion than you:

 

            It is uncomfortable.

 

            Groaning to myself, I walked into the church, and was jovially ushered into the main service by two helpful and increasingly alarming middle-aged women, who introduced me along the way to a stern-looking security guard who immediately informed his superiors of the situation.

 

            “This is Security, calling Base,” he said. “I got a white boy looking for his cell phone.”

 

            Assuring me that they’d let me know as soon as Brother James arrived, I was ushered into the main sanctuary, where a 50-person gospel choir and band was performing music like I have only read about in Christian storybooks to thousands of testfyin’ True Believers. In response to encouraging looks from my neighbors, I started singing along.

 

            For the next two hours, I cried out all my hallelujahs as I was preached the all-loving qualities of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. At one point I got into a friendly argument with a minister next to me.

 

            “You’re a good boy,” he said, “I can see that. But you know, hell is full of good people.”

 

            “But what about Heaven?” I persisted. “If good people get into Hell, can bad people get into Heaven?”

 

            “Well, the thing about that is-”

 

            He cut off, looking stumped, and graciously excused himself from the conversation.

 

Finally, after a total of 2 ½ hours of this, rumor carried around that Brother James was here, and he was looking for Brother Michael to give him back his phone.

 

And so, with one last note of spiritual jubilation, I got the heck out of there, and in the course of about eight seconds, found Brother James, and got my phone back.

 

I’d like to say that I learned something from my little adventure, but really I just want to curl up in the fetal position for a few months and catch up on some Adam Sandler. So for now, this is Michael Bihovsky, signing off, keeping the faith, and grateful for the always unexpected experiences that make up his incredibly bizarre life.

 

Please don’t call me for a couple of days.

 

 

**UPDATE **

As of 12:24 this morning, my phone is now broken.

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On The Closing of RENT

Sunday, September 7, 2008 by Michael.

Me with Al Larson (Jonathan Larson’s Father)

Click here for more pictures!

 

 

I don’t know how this happened, but somehow it’s been nearly two years since my last post. But if anything merits my returning to the world of virtual blogging, it is the closing of the Broadway production of RENT, which, after twelve unrivaled years, is in the midst of its last performance as I write these very words.

 

Whether you know me on a personal or professional level, I have no doubt that you are aware of the countless influences that the show RENT, and its creator Jonathan Larson, have had on my life. I am in no way exaggerating when I say (as I often do) that it is because of Jonathan that I do the work I do today, and, even more importantly, that I do my very best to lead a life of patience, kindness, and acceptance.

 

This past weekend, I was honored enough to be a part of the closing celebrations of the Broadway production, as a result of having won a video competition in which I had two minutes to relay the impact that RENT has had on my life (a daunting task, but for better or worse, the video can be seen here). This included an unbelievably awesome party at the Life Café (be sure to check out the pictures!, which I will honestly say, again without the slightest hint of hyperbole, was the best night of my entire life. I was honored enough to have the chance to converse extensively with various members of the Larson family, and to dance on the tables of the freaking Life Café while singing the part of Mark in La Vie Boheme, accompanied by the most diehard RENTheads I have ever known. I was then lucky enough to be presented tickets to yesterday’s performance, which I think was the most energetic performance I have seen thus far (and believe me, that is saying something). The experience of the entire weekend was overwhelming in the best possible way, and the wonderful memories, opportunities, and new friends I will most certainly treasure for the rest of my life.

 

The era has ended – but no matter how pretentious it may sound, I promise right here and now that I will do everything in my power to help usher in the next one, based on all of the invaluable and inexpressible lessons I have learned from my mentor and inspiration, Jonathan Larson. The production is closing – but from the day of the first performance, over twelve years ago, this show has been much more than just a production. RENT lives on forever in the definition of and connection between multiple generations. For us artists, it lives on in our work, and our commitment to changing the world, however subtly, through that work. But most importantly, it lives on through our actions, and the love and respect that we all have the ability to give to the people around us, each and every day of our lives.

 

Thank you, Jonathan Larson. No Day But Today – And always, always, hope for tomorrow.

 

Yours Truly,

Michael

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Jukebox, Photos, and Clips (Oh My!)

Saturday, December 30, 2006 by Michael.

Hello all! Not much time to write I’m afraid (I’ve been all tied up with preparations for the recording studio!), but I wanted to make sure you all check out a really exciting new feature to the website – a jukebox! Sort of! A bunch of new recordings have been put up on the music page – so be sure to have a listen!

Also, after many long and horrible months of computer malfunctions and just an overall technological inferno, the pictures and video clips from the Broadway Rocks! concert are FINALLY up and waiting to be viewed! Try not to keep them waiting — photos are fine, but video clips can be very vindictive when provoked.

I’ll try to write from studio in a couple weeks – a happy and healthy new year to all!!

-Michael

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Too Many Shows, Too Little…Life

Sunday, October 15, 2006 by Michael.

Hello all! Long time no write. I hope all of you are well, and having fun doing whatever it is that you do!Things for me have been very interesting – by which I mean busy (as usual). But things are going great nonetheless! I’m currently involved in two new productions, “Forbidden NYU” (NYU’s version of “Forbidden Broadway”) and Jason Robert Brown’s “Songs for a New World.” The second show opens a week and a half after the first one closes, so I’m running around a lot – but if you’re in the city, be sure to drop by and see a show or two! All of the scheduling and ticket information is posted online at the events page (although we’re still working out the times and locations for “Songs,” so hopefully that should be up within the next couple weeks) – be sure to check it out!

Aside from that, the New Musical is coming along just swimmingly (who on Earth came up with that expression?). I’ve just finished the vocals and piano accompaniment to a new pop duet – lots of fun! I’m scheduled to go into recording studio sometime in late December/early January, so hopefully some new clips should be available online in just a few months! Make sure you keep checking back : ).

That’s about it on my end…it’s off to rehearsal for me! And if you haven’t already (or even if you have, why not?) be sure to sign the guestbook, which is feeling very lonely these past few months : ).

Much love and No Day But Today!!

-Michael

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Back In The City

Saturday, September 2, 2006 by Michael.

Hey guys! Sorry it’s been so long… it’s been a bit of a crazy few months. But you’ll be glad (I hope) to know that I’ve gotten a LOT of writing done, and I’m really looking forward to December, when I’ll be recording five songs from the New Musical alongside an awesome cast!

Most excitedly on the writing front for the new musical, I’ve just finished writing my first trance song – yes, me writing a trance song! : ). It’s insane, but really a lot of fun, and so completely different from anything I’ve ever done before. It takes place at a dance club that my roommate’s drag me to, and it’s really going to be a blast to record in a few months (actually, it will be painstakingly horrible to record. But the result should be cool). I’ll be sure to let you all know when the new recordings are up!

So here I am, living again in downtown Manhattan, and getting ready to start the new semester at NYU. I hope you’re all doing well, and don’t forget to check back for updates (I’ve also just put a copy of this blog on myspace, so if you’d like, you can sign up there to be alerted of new posts!)

Much love and No Day But Today!

-Michael

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Broadway ROCKED!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006 by Michael.

Whew! Well, after three months of planning on my part (and about one week on the part of everyone else!), last night’s concert, “Broadway Rocks!,” was an incredible success. We raised over $2,000 dollars for pediatric cancer research, with the help of the wonderful people at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.The concert was an explosive success, and in addition to the money raised, we also were able to further the awareness of this cause — whether you were there or not, please feel free to have a look at what I had to say during last night’s concert about this wonderful cause, just before singing the song “Not Too Far From Here.” Thanks so much to all of you who were able to make it to the show, and a very special thanks to the talented performers who worked with me on this — I have so much love and respect for all of you : ). Make sure you all check back soon for media clips from this event!

So what do I do with my life now? I guess I do what I’ve always done! I’ll be spending the next several months working on my new rock musical, and hope to get some new material into the recording studio before I head back to school in September. So make sure you keep checking back!!

In the meantime, if any of you have any ideas of what we can add to the website, let me know!!

Keep your heads up, and remember: when life gives you lemons — make lemonade!!

-Michael

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Stop The Presses — I Am Now A College Sophomore!

Sunday, May 7, 2006 by Michael.

Hello friends! Well, as of two days ago, I am officially done with my first year of college at NYU! It’s been an incredible year, but it’s nice to finally have some time to put some updates on the website! So here is the first official blog entry, which I will update every time something new happens in my performing or writing life, or I add something to my website that is unspeakable cool.

Speaking of which…

I’m glad to announce that we have all sorts of new stuff on the website, as you can see from the five new additions to the heading banner. Especially make sure to check out the “interact” section to see some interesting (”weird”) facts about me, and to post a question for me at “Ask Michael!” Also, be sure to visit the music section for some new recordings you can download!

Enjoy, and don’t forget to mark Monday night June 12 on your calendars for my benefit concert in Philadelphia, which will be raising money for Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Well, it’s back to “Thoroughly Modern Millie” for me (thanks a lot, Susan!). All the best and No Day But Today!!

-Michael

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